Paralysis: The Beginning

I've decided to start a blog. I don't know why. I don't know if I'll even keep up with it. But here I am, and here I go. The first entry. Will there be another one? In all honesty -- I have absolutely no idea. Will I provide you with any insight, any wisdom? Don't know that either. Don't really know how one starts a blog at all, to be honest, much less maintains it. I once read -- and in fact I have posted on the bulletin board in my classroom a quote pertaining to this -- that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis and one should simply begin anywhere. Good advice. Let's begin.

I never really wanted to start a blog. I prefer my diary. I've been keeping one since third grade. I have several cardboard boxes full of them. But my sister is keeping a blog right now. She's doing it because she is doing something exciting: living in Germany and traveling around Europe. I guess I'm doing it because I have extra time on my hands tonight. A rarity. Maybe it will help me write. Maybe it will provide fodder for a future essay or story or poem. Any writing is good writing. The catch is, unlike my sister, I am not doing something exciting right now. I get up. I read a section of the Bible lesson. I walk my dogs. I go to work. I run. I walk my dogs. I cook dinner. I kiss my husband goodnight. Pleasant. Satisfying. Not exceptional. Not a reason to keep a blog necessarily. Still, perhaps it is the mundane nature of this blog that will make it appealing. We are, after all, just normal people with normal lives. Normal people are often the most surprising ones, though, aren't they? Everyone is spectacular. You just have to find out how.

Starting a blog is a funny thing. I now find myself wrestling with a fear I would not otherwise face: What if no one reads my blog? What if I write entry after entry to learn simply this: that I am uninteresting?

Are blogs supposed to be introspective, or should I use this space to tell a story? Does my blog need to have a unified focus, or can I randomly write at will and according to my wims? Does it matter? It is my blog. You can read it. Or not. But I guess in some way I hope you will.

Here is one good reason to keep a blog: Perhaps it will help prevent me from thinking in terms of my Facebook status. A blog is a place to say more than just a witty phrase, more than just a catchy quote. Don't get me wrong, that status is one of my favorite aspects of Facebook, but I did feel rather pathetic when, one day in December or January, I realized that multiple times a day, I gave thought to what my status should be -- that in some way, I cognized my actual status by what I could post on my Facebook status.

I have no good conclusion for this post. I suppose, though, that if I can begin anywhere, I can also end anywhere. Until next time, then. If there is one.

Amanda Sue*